Top Ten Thursday: The Super Bowl of Music

music super bowl 2014

Apparently there has been a big stink about the NFL going after bars and restaurants for advertising “Super Bowl” parties, as well as anyone having “Super Bowl” specials at their respective businesses.  The NFL has a pigskin-sized object lodged so far up their ass, they insist on controlling any iteration of the phrase “Super Bowl”.  Well, screw you NFL.  LxL will not succumb to your tyrannical ways.  This is our Top Ten list: Super Bowl Edition.  This is not the most proper top ten list.  Instead, we decided to take the top 5 most notable bands from Denver and Seattle, and have them square off to see who achieves supremacy in the musical realm.  Denver’s list is so weak we even allowed for bands from the entire state of Colorado in an attempt to even the playing field.  So without further ado, here are the matchups and the winners.
The Starting Lineup

John Denver (Denver) vs. Bing Crosby (Seattle)
bing crosby vs john denver, seattle vs denver

The number one bass-baritone of all time vs. a man who wouldn’t know the side of a mountain until the plane he is operating smashes into it.  Not that hard of a decision who has the edge here.  But, in all seriousness, the cheese dripping off Johnny D’s lyrics is an obstacle to hard to overcome for Rocky Top, and Seattle takes the day.

Advantage:  Seattle

 

Big Head Todd & the Monsters (Denver) vs. Jimi Hendrix (Seattle)
jimi hendrix vs big head todd, seattle vs denver
Big Head Todd is a fantastic guitarist, probably one of the more underrated in modern music.  I try to see Big Head every year when they come through St. Louis.  This is why it pains me for a personal favorite to go up against a rock behemoth like Jimi.  The one damn time Big Head Todd makes one of our features, his giant melon is squashed like Gallagher’s favorite prop.

Advantage:  Seattle

 

Nirvana (Seattle) vs. Pretty Lights (Denver)
nirvana vs pretty lights, denver vs seattle
Oft-considered the greatest band in the grunge revolution, Nirvana walks all over Pretty Lights like sexually aggressive Mad Men character taking advantage of an innocent secretary.  Pretty Lights may get some style points for a sweet light show, but Nirvana has the substance to kick them to the curb.

Advantage:  Seattle

 

Fleet Foxes (Seattle) vs. The Lumineers (Denver)

fleet foxes vs the lumineers, seattle vs denver
“F” you bro, my beard is better!

I’ts fitting to put these folksters up against one another, but this may be the biggest walk of them all.  Its like if the Seattle Seahawks played the Denver Nuggets in the Super Bowl.  A no contest.

Advantage:  Seattle

 

Pearl Jam (Seattle) vs.  The String Cheese Incident (Denver)
pearl jam vs string cheese incident, seattle vs denver
String Cheese holds a spot in my heart from my early jam band-centric music loving days.  They know how to spin a good melody.  Unfortunately, Pearl Jam holds an even closer place in my heart, if only for having the pleasure to see Eddie Vedder down three bottles of wine and nail Stone Gossard in the head with a microphone.  Consider Seattle the microphone and Stone Gossard’s head Denver in this matchup.

Advantage:  Seattle
The Substitutes

The Fray (Denver) vs. Kenny G (Seattle)
kenny g vs the frey, denver vs seattle
Both artists have moistened a panty or two, but in entirely different age groups.  I’m gonna have to give the advantage to the man who gave Sideshow Bob a human form.

Advantage:  Seattle

 

The Final Analysis

Well, there ya have it. Seattle makes a clean sweep! And if the bands from each team’s city is any indicator on how good their respective football team actually is (which it most certainly is not), it’s quite clear who the winner will be this Sunday too!

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