5 Movies I Had Serious Issues With This Year

This just looks like the worst movie of 2013.
This just looks like the worst movie of 2013.

A couple weeks ago we listed our top ten movies of 2013.  With watching all the Oscar contenders, I have movies on the old brains. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to music soon, but I wanted to share some disappointments, or general disagreements I had with the public at large on several 2013 movies.  Overall, I would say it was one of the best years in movies in recent memory.  Just the fact that films like Rush, The Spectacular Now, Dallas Buyer’s Club and Catching Fire didn’t crack our list yesterday in any form says a lot about the overall slate of great releases this year.  But with the good comes much bad.  Not all of the movies on this list are terrible; I just have a patent problem with either the film itself or generally what is being said about it.  Please note these views are mine alone.

Saving Mr. Banks

saving mr. banks

This movie sucked the absolute joy out of Mary Poppins.  I can only postulate that the above average views the Mr. Banks received were due to Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson being involved.  On top of that, this is probably the one and only time I have wished a movie was more formulaic.  Instead we got a P.L. Travers lousy with daddy issues and making everyone’s life a living hell because of it.  On top of being a drag, the parallel storylines had almost nothing in common to tie them together.  Good riddance and I pity any child who had to sit through this film thinking they were getting a magical bit of Disney fun.

Gravity

gravity

This movie was a formulaic thriller propped up by transcendent visuals.  Everything about the actual script seemed like stock plot points taken from every movie Jerry Bruckheimer has ever produced.  You have the protagonist with demons escaping to a far away place (Sandy Bullock).  You have a male bravado cowboy character (George Clooney).  And then you have every last thing going wrong.  Nothing inventive about that story.  Give Gravity every technical Oscar in the books, but please please spare us it getting Best Picture.

American Hustle

american hustle

I liked almost every scene of American Hustle, but the whole was less than the sum of its parts.  Great acting be damned, the movie itself was a very messy narrative.  You almost have to watch a Scorsese movie within close proximity to realize the inattention to making American Hustle into a cohesive digestible story.  I appreciate many things about the film, but one of my favorites of the year it is not.

The World’s End

the world's end

There were about two solid laughs in The World’s End.  One of them was a Nick Frost line and I can’t remember the other.  Simon Pegg always seems to toe the line between annoying and hilarious, and for once he fell on the wrong side of said line.  In addition, the plot switch took far too long to get going.  Finally, I never believed for a second that any of them were drunk.

The Hobbit:  The Desolation of Smaug

desolation of smaug

These Hobbit movies are effing terrible.  They are adding new characters for the hell of it.  They are bringing in characters from Lord of the Rings for who knows what reason.  AND, they separated the young adult novel you can read in 6 hours into three full-length movies.  This is an abomination and would not have happened if Guillermo Del Toro would have been allowed to finish what he started.  Screw you Peter Jackson.

 

One thought on “5 Movies I Had Serious Issues With This Year”

  1. I thought for sure this post was written by Wes while I was reading, so I was preparing to drop the hammer. But…I can’t be too critical of you Knepp, otherwise you’ll destroy my psyche.

    Gravity was simple and beautiful, get over it.

    I’m blown away that Wolf of Wall Street made the cut on your “Top Movies” and you shoved American Hustle over here. I respect you less now.

    I’m on board with the rest! Good write-up.

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