The Real Reason for Detroit’s Recession

Kid Rock, Son of Detroit, ruining Thanksgiving at the Detroit Lions Halftime Show

Yes, I realize this headline is probably a bit misleading and a bit offensive for the people of Michigan, but I don’t care.

Detroit is home to numerous music legends – Al Green, Aretha Franklin, Alice Cooper, the White Stripes, Madonna, Diana Ross, Iggy Pop, Funkadelic, Jackie Wilson, Marvin Gaye, the Miracles, Stevie Wonder, the Stooges, the Supremes – the list goes on and on. From Motown soul to blues to hard rock, Detroit holds a special place in music history as home to countless hits and legends. So when you have a halftime show every year for a nationwide audience at the Thanksgiving Detroit Lions game, you showcase one of your many musical crowns, right? Well that’s not at all what Detroit has done, instead opting for notoriously crappy Canadians Nickelback last year (who almost got Nickelback Halftime Showfor Detroit Thanksgiving petition) and the king of trash rock Detroit Kid Rock two of the last three years.  Heck even Ray Parker Jr. (a Detroit native) would be better than the nonsense they have had the last three years. It has caused this horrible recession and the Lions losing the last nine thanksgiving games…at least I like to think.

Not only did the Romney music spokesman play the halftime show this year, the Kid was introduced as the “Son of Detroit”. You are telling me that you have churned out Jack White, Iggy Pop, Jackie Wilson, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson, and even Eminem (who I don’t care for but I at least can see his talent), but we are calling Mr. “Bawitdaba” himself the “Son of Detroit”? Sad, sad times we live in.

^Recession Headquarters USA

For the show, the no talent cowboy sung a song clearly written in hopes of being adopted by the downtrodden town called “Detroit, Michigan”, in which he repeats those very words over and over until you cry “uncle”. Not only did this song suck, but it included the classic “mute the instruments/hands-over-the-head clap breakdown” that I have grown to hate-love so much. I would love Ndamukong Suh to give the “Son of Detroit” a Suh stomp or swift kick to the groin just like Matt Schaub experienced on Turkey Day.

So who should they pull in you ask? Yes, I know that many of Detroit’s legends, namely the legendary Motown acts, are dead or rather old. I also know many of the hard rock and rap acts may not have as much mass appeal or may be considered offensive for a Thanksgiving halftime show. But there is no doubt some better acts out there to have. White Stripes would be phenomenal if they could get them. Yes, Madonna and Eminem (who may be considered too offensive) may be too expensive, but hey Detroit, Thanksgiving is the time of year all eyes are on you: put on a big show. I know many Motown greats are old, but I think Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, and Smokey Robinson would still make for a great show. I would even rather have Bob Seger do it, and that’s saying a lot.

Say there is no great Detroit artist up to the challenge? How about having another popular modern act do a Motown Medley. I’m not a Bruno Mars fan, but the guy could probably kill a Motown Medley. So could Alicia Keys or any number of modern artists. You could also have plenty of rock bands pull a great Detroit Rock City medley. These ideas are completely free for the taking…I don’t even need a cut, I am squeezing my mindgrapes just for the sake of the reputation of my Lions and their once noble city.

Feisty Lions Coach Jim Schwartz is a big Detroit rock fan, and while I definitely don’t agree completely with his taste, he could help put a stop to the madness. So here is my plea coach: Stop the Madness!

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Author: Wes

Hoosier. Writer. Music Buff. Media Man. Tourist. Polar Bear.

8 thoughts on “The Real Reason for Detroit’s Recession”

  1. The only problem I have with your post – which is awesome, btw – is even mentioning Nickelback (crap) in the same compilation of words as Jack White (god). :)

  2. Awww… I love Kid Rock. I missed the show you’re referencing though. In fact, I’m not sure I’d care for him all that much live. Who knows. :-)

  3. Ugh. My son and I just had a conversation about Kid Rock this morning. Dwight Yoakum has a new album and Kid Rock co-authored the title track. My son was trying to defend Kid Rock a little , saying that he has brief moments of lyrical genius. Bah.
    Like you said, so many other out there who could represent Detroit better.

  4. I tell you what Wes, Kid Rock is just the worst. Sorry you had to be subjected to that while watching your beloved Lions.

    I think it’s more a sign of the Detroit music scene going downhill as a whole. Sure we’ve got his holiness Jack White, but what other modern artists are hailing from the Motor City?

    Back in the day, you had Motown, one of the most important genres in the history of R&B and Rock. Then you had Proto Punk, with The Stooges, MC5, and the relocated Alice Cooper.

    You even had rocking icons like Sweaty Teddy Nugent and Bob Seger. I’m sorry, but I can’t help but sing along to “Night Moves,” it’s just so damn catchy!

    I remember back in the 90’s when I was into Kid Rock, that’s all I listened to. That and a culmination of other terrible music like nu-metal and some poppy/crappy alternative. His CD’s ended up where they belonged, in the trash, because no record stores would buy them back.

    Hopefully something will emerge from Detroit. Seattle has a burgeoning new music scene, so does Austin, and many others. Maybe the Motor City will eventually do a little better than their dimwitted “son.”

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