The Legend of John Legend

Who ever decided John Legend should be featured on every major hip-hop release to come out, and when was this decision made?  God, that’s who.  It is true God rested on the seventh day, but in all actuality he spent the majority of that seventh day contemplating the creation of singer/songwriter John Legend almost 8,000 years later.  Hit the jump for the main talking points of why John Legend was actually not a gift from God, but a curse.

1.  John Legend is a Momentum Killer

It is certainly not mandatory that every hip-hop album be a tour de force complete with solely bangers.  That being said, Legend’s style doesn’t jive with the aggressive titans of hip-hop like Kanye, Rick Ross, and Jay-Z.  The effect of a Legend appearance often halts any momentum an album may have (see “Magnificent” on Rick Ross’s Deeper Than Rap).  Ross isn’t even a stranger to more croon-heavy tracks, but Legend has no business rubbing elbows with the Teflon Don.

 

2.  John Legend Lacks Style

When is the last time someone considered a world-class musician, especially one in the hip-hop hook game, looks like he swears by only wearing Banana Republic apparel?  John Legend should take a cue from the masters he works with and show a little style, in the wardrobe and on the mic.  He may not be Jay-Z rich, but Legend can afford to splurge on some more stylish gear.  Hire a stylist bro.

 

3.  John Legend Weirdly Garners the Respect of Great Artists

I’ll attribute Lil’ Wayne using Legend on Tha Carter IV’s “So Special” to Wayne completely losing his sh*t the past couple years, musically and mentally.  The the pussified Lil’ Wayne is not the only violator, besides the other greats mentioned above, Lupe Fiasco, Meek Mill, T.I., and Nas have all utilized Legend’s milquetoast “talents”.  It is puzzling that so many great artists, particularly in the boast-heavy rap game.  Legend was born John Roger Stephens, attended Penn (an Ivy League school), and ran the a cappella group.  Legend is ostensibly black Andy Bernard.

 

4.  John Legend Named Himself John Legend

As mentioned above, and as most of you probably could have guessed, John Legend was not born John Legend.  I understand the need to give yourself a stage name in the entertainment this day in age, but calling yourself a legend before you are one is a step too far.  Not only does the name not fit, Legend has now prevented someone with an ounce of panache from using the Legend surname as their own moniker.  Way to ruin it for everyone, John.

So there you have it.  I could go on and on, but decided to maybe leave a little room for everyone else to pile on in the comments with your own reasons for disliking John Legend.  And if, heaven forbid, you enjoy this squirrely rod, feel free to share that as well.

 

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One thought on “The Legend of John Legend”

  1. Thanks for the laugh this morning Austin. I especially have to chuckle at the delicate pale pink “outfit” worn in the last picture. An “outfit” John, really?

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