LxListening: A Schizophrenic Therapy Session In 5 Songs

Albert Pujols, douchebag, traitor
Albert Pujols: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

This is no sports blog, but on the heels of waking up to finding out Albert Pujol’s about signing a 10-year $254 million contract with the Angels yesterday, I had some work to do on my psyche. For those of you who don’t know, I am a huge St. Louis Cardinals fan. Enter a series of calamitous feelings, and the songs/lyrics that represent them. I may talk a little more baseball than normal (i.e., ever) on LxL, so bear with me. Or don’t, and stop reading now.

Phase #1: Anger

The Song: “Break Stuff” – Limp Bizkit

The news of the signing literally dropped 2 minutes before I got out of bed. I should have just stayed in bed, just to remain innocent for another hour or two.

Key Lyrics:

“Its just one of those days
When you don’t wanna wake up
Everything is f**ked
Everybody sucks”


^Note: Totally forgot that Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and Eminem were in this video

Phase #2: Crippling Depression

The Song: “Soup” – Blind Melon

Nothing to fight depression like a brutally depressing song sung by a man who died of a heroine overdose. Shannon Hoon may be the least remembered out of the 90’s triumvirate of died-too-soon rockers (Cobain & Nowell being the others), but his voice left an indelible mark.

Key Lyrics:

“And I’ll pull the trigger and make it all go away
And I’ll make it all go away, I’ll make it all go away”


^Shannon Hoon: Surprisingly Lucid

Phase #3: Displaced Loathing

The Song: “Soul on Fire” – Danzig

This is the phase where I became giddy over the inevitable decline of Albert Pujols toward the middle of his 10-year contract. I am extremely glad the Cardinals will not be suffering this decline to the tune of $25+ million dollars per year.

Key Lyrics:

“Angels fall to earth
World heats down
Oh now you heart is cold
Waiting on the summer
Of my soul”


Phase #4: Begrudging Acceptance

The Song: “F**k You” – Cee Lo Green

While a lot of things will continue to bother me to some degree about this situation, all Cardinals fans just have to realize that we are a mid-market team, and signing Pujols would have crippled our franchise.

Key Lyrics:

“I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough,
I’m like,
“F**K YOU!”

Key Lyrics #2:

“And although there’s pain in my chest
I still wish you the best
With a…
“F**K YOU!”


Phase #5: Closure

The Song: “On To The Next One” – Jay-Z

No time to mope around, it is time for the Cardinals to buck up and start defending their World Series Championship. I’m sure Yadi will keep it fresh, even when he’s sexing.

Key Lyrics:

“I move forward the only direction
cant be scared to fail Search and perfection
Gotta keep it fresh even when we sexing
but don’t be mad at him when we on to the next one”

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