A Scott Weiland Christmas (aka “A Very Douchey Christmas”)

Christmas Album, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
The cover of Scott Weiland's upcoming Christmas album

Which pop singer’s Christmas album do you want to listen to during the holiday season? Josh Groban? So you can hear the pop-classical crooner with the sparkling clean image. Mariah Carey? For her sultry rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You”. Or how about Scott Weiland, former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver, and The Magnificent Bastards. If you chose Scott Weiland, you have stumbled upon a veritable gold mine. If you said, “Yes, I would like the former grunge god; cocaine, heroin, and crack-cocaine addict; domestic abuser; and (worst of all) Notre Dame football fan to be the sound of my Christmas”, then you are in luck. Strap on your seat belts, because somebody thought Scott Weiland would be ideal to sing the vocals ushering in the birth of the Christ, with his new Christmas album The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Hear Scott Weiland’s Christmas Album Here.

All Christmas albums at this point in time are completely unnecessary. Every Christmas song has been covered a thousand times, sometimes well and sometimes very poorly. The thing is, the songs are not being rearranged, no new material is being used, and the songs for the most part remain what they always were. That is, until Scott Weiland got ahold of “Silent Night”. Replete with steel drum and what I believe to be a pennywhistle, Weiland takes this Christmas classic to the Caribbean, rapes it, and then…buys it a pennywhistle. The steel drums rear their ugly head on a few other songs, most notably the reggae version of “Oh, Holy Night”. I really can’t wrap my head around this. Scott Weiland is not, nor has he ever been, a reggae artist, so why is he doing reggae renditions of Christmas songs. My mind is going to explode.

STP, Scott Weiland, Christmas Album
Leave it to the pros Weiland

The songs that are more classically done are completely fine, at least as far as the standard dregs of Christmas go.  Weiland has a good voice to this day, and can hit all the right notes.  The worst thing, as it is with all releases of pop Christmas albums, is that these releases are blatant money grabs. What makes it even sadder in this situation is that of all the alt-rock I listened to in the 90’s, STP released some pretty solid stuff. Scott Weiland clearly owes his pimp or drug dealer some money, and now is schlepping some Christmas trash to the masses. Some artists fade mercifully into the night with dignity. Others claw and prod for your attention until their last dying breath.

In sum, If you ever feel the need to induce dry-heaving, throw the old Scott Weiland Christmas album on the stereo and grab your finest bucket. What an abomination. Here is something to remind you that Scott Weiland didn’t always used to be such a douche.

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